as i find my eyelids weighing heavier than the thoughts on my mind, i wish i could make it all stop. not in the way you might think. sometimes in that way, but mostly in the way that would give me a break from my emptiness without anyone knowing i needed a break. it was hard to feel and wail and gulp back my tears but it’s even harder to feel numbness consume my heart. i haven’t written lately. not because i haven’t been craving it but because the words don’t come as easily anymore. for someone who uses poetry to empty out the damaging thoughts, this is an unspeakable loss. but right now i don’t want that permanent break i sometimes think about…i hope i find my light again soon.