About cecilia

poet, aspiring social working, bubble tea lover, mental health advocate

all of you

i want you to know that hurting you
hurt me too
and having your tears dampen my tshirt
drowned my heart deep in regret

i want you to know that when it’s all said and done
your arms are the only ones i want to be wrapped so tightly in that i feel your heart beat against mine
your eyes are the only ones i want to gaze at forever in comfortable silence
your lips are the only ones i want to kiss in new places to commemorate adventures

i want you to know that
your hands are the only ones i want to have a secret handshake with while exchanging goofy grins
your smile is the only one i want to wake up to, and the only one that makes my heart flutter
your voice is the only one i want to hear on replay so i can soak in every word
and your soul is the only one i have admired so deeply and so truly

i want you to know
that i’m captivated by you
and i need you to know
that i love you always

——-love conquers all

worth it.

the heartbreak and pain
were not accidents
for they led me down a narrow trail
accompanied by old monsters
lonely and shattered,
i fought them off

there i was,
winding through the forest and crawling through the gravel
torn up

on an isolated and dangerous path
that led me right to you
and to myself

we live in a jungle.

it is the sly comments
the uninvited stares
the suggestive look
the desire-filled look
the i want you, i will have you, whether you like it or not look

every whistle
every step a little too close
leaves us trembling

do you see me?
your eyes gaze at me
but do you see me?

do your eyes see me as more than parts to be coveted and dreamt of?
do your ears hear me as more than a voice you’d like to silence with your lips?
does your mind comprehend that my shaking hands and racing heart cannot take another minute of your company?

because of you
my eyes see yours looking me up and down like a project to conquer
my ears hear a young girl catcalled in the streets
my mind cannot comprehend why it has to be this way
and my legs run towards the idea
that it doesn’t have to be
             —no more staying quiet

conditional

guilt suffocates me like cellophane
each layer clinging tightly to my body
one for each year of heartbreak

she says her love wraps around my being
what she doesn’t know is
it fights so hard to break through the barrier she has built
it pulses against me
unable to penetrate the 19 layers of pain she has provided

and through tears
she whispers,
“you know i love you, right?”

despite all her cruel words
she expects me to know this
to wholeheartedly embrace it

i can see it,
but i cannot feel it
for guilt and shame overwhelm my senses
and suddenly i am drowning in my memories
admitting to a love i do not feel

wrapped in this godforsaken cellophane,
a gift from my mother
i am bursting with emotion, yet empty

wrapped so tightly
desperate for love
i walk around suffocating
desperate to feel
something she cannot provide

         —i know you did your best, mom

6/25

i fell in love with the way time stops when we are together, like love is an ocean and we are drowning in it, only able to hear the muffled sounds of life above the water.
i fell in love with how you promise to help me conquer the rainstorms in my head, because you don’t want me to fight these battles on my own.
i fell in love with the way your eyes gaze at me with sincerity, the way they light up when you talk about your future and how it now includes me.
i fell in love with your quirkiness and your dorkiness, the kind that brings out the child in me and makes me want to laugh with you forever.
i fell in love with the way you kiss me, soft yet passionate, but innocent and filled with fire.
i fell in love with the way we found each other, peeling back layers so gingerly until we were both raw and vulnerable, two transparent bodies with beautiful souls.
I fell in love with your resilience, because god knows you’ve moved mountains; now, you don’t have to move them alone.
i fell in love, and you caught me.
and i promise i’ll never leave your arms.

my person

when you cry, i can feel your tears streaming down my own face
and when someone stabs you in the back,
i find myself bleeding, too

i’ll never forget the way you took all my sorrows and burdened your own heart with them

and now, it’s my turn to take the weight

after all, what don’t we share?

so here’s to our indulgent lunch dates, repeated so many times that the wait staff know our order by heart
to the way you rushed to my side with my favorite milkshake when i had my heart broken
to our reality tv-filled monday nights coupled with laughs and pistachio soft serve
to sharing everything from our favorite bubble tea to a therapist

here’s to flamingo-searching and bargain-hunting every time we shop, and laughing the whole way home
to family dinners and nights in the town we call our second home, ending with screams of our favorite songs down the highway
to all the times we answer each other’s urgent texts at 2am, choosing each other over a good night’s rest

and most importantly,
here’s to you
the biggest blessing in my life
and the reason i kept living
i will never forget you

—the best friend that became family