how far away is the moon / never mind / i know i love you ten times longer / i don’t know how many stars rest in the blackness / but i understand that you are brighter than them all / a celestial body / no gravity / no air for my lungs / you are all i need
it snuck into my stomach
causing beautiful monarchs to flutter and never settle down
it crawled into my brain
making me stumble on my words and forget that there are any other humans in the world
finally, it slithered into my heart, controlling my entire body effortlessly
with every beat, happiness releases
but with happiness, comes pain
it’s almost parasitic, love
because once it’s there,
it’s almost impossible to get rid of
it’s worked it’s way into every nook and cranny of my body
it can be the best thing, and the worst thing
for if i have to be apart from the one i love
my heart may as well cease to beat
there is a beautiful river around the bend
i sit and stare at its relaxed waves, crashing like the soft whispers he and i have shared here
this is where it all began
i remember the night sitting under the stars, a chilly wind caressing my body while he slipped his arm around my back
and i think about how i leaned onto his shoulder
before i knew it, his lips were on mine and my heart was dancing
actually, it still hasn’t stopped
i think about sitting in this same spot and giggling with pizza-filled bellies, when he tells me about his old home on the small street with the park at the end, how he wants to take me there
there we were again, sitting under the dazzling stars, talking about the things that make us cry
he looks over at the flowing river, moonlight reflecting on the dark calm waters, when he turns his hazel eyes to mine
he looks at me like his whole world is in front of him and tells me he’s been falling
that he’s fell
he whispers those three words in my ear and tears start falling down my beaming face, caressing my cheeks like the cold breeze that first night
and now i sit here, and i’ve returned those words thousands of times to his patient ears
but i can’t help but think about how this beautiful river where our love blossomed
is also the water
that separates us
as the hole in my chest lays vacant
i wish you were here to place your head over my rhythmic heartbeat
to fill the emptiness
if even for a short while
i want to feel my body encapsulated by the words you so kindly share with me as i stain your shirt with runny mascara
you may not be able to make it all go away
but even in a lifeless black sky
does a single star glisten
i want you to know that hurting you
hurt me too
and having your tears dampen my tshirt
drowned my heart deep in regret
i want you to know that when it’s all said and done
your arms are the only ones i want to be wrapped so tightly in that i feel your heart beat against mine
your eyes are the only ones i want to gaze at forever in comfortable silence
your lips are the only ones i want to kiss in new places to commemorate adventures
i want you to know that
your hands are the only ones i want to have a secret handshake with while exchanging goofy grins
your smile is the only one i want to wake up to, and the only one that makes my heart flutter
your voice is the only one i want to hear on replay so i can soak in every word
and your soul is the only one i have admired so deeply and so truly
i want you to know
that i’m captivated by you
and i need you to know
that i love you always
——-love conquers all
the heartbreak and pain
were not accidents
for they led me down a narrow trail
accompanied by old monsters
lonely and shattered,
i fought them off
there i was,
winding through the forest and crawling through the gravel
on an isolated and dangerous path
that led me right to you
and to myself
like how the sun always meets the horizon
and the ocean always kisses the sand
i will never have enough of you
i fell in love with the way time stops when we are together, like love is an ocean and we are drowning in it, only able to hear the muffled sounds of life above the water.
i fell in love with how you promise to help me conquer the rainstorms in my head, because you don’t want me to fight these battles on my own.
i fell in love with the way your eyes gaze at me with sincerity, the way they light up when you talk about your future and how it now includes me.
i fell in love with your quirkiness and your dorkiness, the kind that brings out the child in me and makes me want to laugh with you forever.
i fell in love with the way you kiss me, soft yet passionate, but innocent and filled with fire.
i fell in love with the way we found each other, peeling back layers so gingerly until we were both raw and vulnerable, two transparent bodies with beautiful souls.
I fell in love with your resilience, because god knows you’ve moved mountains; now, you don’t have to move them alone.
i fell in love, and you caught me.
and i promise i’ll never leave your arms.
i use to swing along the line of life and death in my mind
teetering with reasons to stay and reasons to go
how could i ever think such thoughts when there are sunsets that make even the most pessimistic of people stop to gaze,
with hues of orange and pink and lilac
covering the horizon in swirls and gradients so beautiful that only the naked eye can capture its true essence
how could i ever think such thoughts when there are sunday mornings filled with pancakes and my father in a small café
hearing the clinking of coffee mugs and the strange yet familiar laughter of strangers
how could i ever think such thoughts when there are beaches with velvety sand and a symphony made up of gawking birds and the sound of the ocean kissing the shore,
filled with naps in the scorching sun and the reading of new novels that have been left in my bookcase for months
how could i ever think such thoughts when there are soft kisses and passionate kisses laced together with sweet smiles and the whisper of “i love you”, leaving even the most grounded of people up in the clouds
the sad thing is,
i know exactly how i could think such thoughts
because they once took up all of the vacancies in my mind
they are unwelcome visitors that still bang on my door from time to time
to the broken:
i hear you,
i see you
i will hold your hand until you see light again, just as people have done for me
and i will walk with you until the heaviness turns to feathers of hope
When I’m with you, there are never enough hours in the day.
Every minute we are together passes like a bolt of lightning during a humid summer storm,
and every second is gone as fast as my heart after you ran away with it.
You’ve picked weeds from my brain and turned them into sunflowers, planting them with beautiful words and nurturing them with your gentle spirit.
No one can make tears of happiness fall from my eyes like you can, or make me want to leave my perfect little town to be a part of yours.
You’ve helped me find myself, and with each self-discovery, I find a little piece of you, too.
The gaping holes of despair and bitterness that use to cover my soul have been filled so lovingly by your caring heart.
Like a stunning mosaic glued together with pinky promises and childish giggles, I am whole again.
I will never stop being so captivated by what we’ve built together.
Our broken pieces bonded together so effortlessly, and I can’t wait to keep creating artwork